Almost without exception, homosexual clients report an increase in preoccupying sexual fantasies when they have experienced a disappointment. They feel most out of control and likely to act out sexually when they are feeling weak, lonely, and generally down about themselves. Similarly, the opposite is true – when they are feeling more adult, more masculine, more successful, more personally empowered, the attractive men in their enviroment may be appreciated, but they are less likely to be sexually compelling.
Clients often describe becoming angry at themselves, feeling depressed, and attempting to get out of depression by acting out sexually. The sexual behaviour is an anxiety reducer and an attempt at reassertion of self. The emotional energy that could have been appropriately directed toward self-assertion is repressed, turned against the self in the form of depression, then released sexually.
This self-defeating cycle further reinforces a nonmasculine self-image and the feeling of being out of control.
-Joseph Nicolisi, PhD