I know that I should be excited about the upcoming Eucharistic Congress that the Bismarck diocese is hosting this month, but I’m not. I say the following at the risk of sounding like a smug and arrogant jerk, but I’m honestly at a place where listening to speakers and reading books about Catholicism do not provide anything new to me. I’m not a theologian, but I do know more than the basics of the Faith and know quite a bit more than your average Catholic.
But what I need now is encounter, not intellect. I need to encounter Jesus. I need to experience him. I need to meet him. When I look at my life it has been a long time since I have encountered Jesus. I’ve been in the same room as him but I’ve been distant and cold. I’ve communed with him, but I’ve not been receptive to his life. Augmenting my knowledge of doctrine, dogma, religious observance, practical prayer methods, and the like won’t change that.
I just want to know Jesus in the way that I was created to know him, in the natural and organic way in which man was originally intended to know God. I want him in my soul, not just in my mind. I want to know him as a husband and wife know each other. I want to get back to that and out of this place of sin and desolation I’ve wandered into.