Not the weather. Its rained 4 out of the last 7 days and is forecasted to rain 8 of the next 10.
Not my prayer life. Its been more fruitful than in the past, especially now that I have Dan praying for me in a special way.
Booze. Let me tell you a story.
The other night I had a dinner party at my house. A Clue dinner party. It was a lot of fun. People dressed up as characters, and I served a very fun mystery dinner. At the end of dinner, after a glass of wine and a shot of rum, I took, in a small amount of time, quite a few more shots of rum, more than I could count on one hand. It didn’t take long for the alcohol to kick in and for me to really feel it. I would like to be able to tell you how the rest of my party went, but I can’t because I only have snapshots of random moments from the rest of the night, a memory here, a memory there. I remember telling people to not clean up for me. I remember sitting on the floor next to my bookcase looking for Pinochle cards. I remember everyone leaving. I remember vomiting multiple times. I remember every time I layed down in bed getting the feeling that I was going to be sick.
I woke up full of shame. I knew that the previous night I had drunk past the point of having control over my faculties, which is a mortal sin. I knew that for the first time in my life, I had drunk so much I had to vomit. I knew that for the first time I had drunk so much that I couldn’t remember everything, that pieces of time were actually missing from my memory. I knew that I had a hangover that was much worse than any I had ever had, so much in fact that I still felt a little intoxicated when I stood up. I knew later in the evening that I could still feel the hangover as my body tried to rebound.
Most of all, I knew that this couldn’t happen again, both for my physical and my spiritual well-being. I’ve been trying lately to be more health conscious. I’ve been more active, trying to walk at least six miles a day, which I am slowly going to evolve into running. I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of processed and super unhealthy foods I consume. I’ve abandoned the notion that I’d rather die fat and happy with a french silk pie in my hand than die a fit and miserable with a lettuce leaf in my mouth.
Anyway, I also know that alcoholism runs in my family. My uncles are almost all alcoholics of various degrees, and sometimes I fear that I could become one too if I don’t strictly control my alcohol usage. I also know that what happened is not good for me spiritually. I never want to be to a point again where I willfully surrender my will to a substance, giving up self-control. I never want to have to walk into the confessional again to confess that I drank to the point that I can’t remember.
So I’ve made a decision. The decision to dump all my liquor down the drain yesterday afternoon. I believe that one can drink in moderation without it being a sin. Jesus served wine at Cana. He drank wine at the Last Supper and made it an integral part of the highest act on earth. Spirits are good and are a gift from God. But for me, alcohol could become a problem, and it did become a problem, and I felt a way that I was never intended to feel. I am making the decision to remain dry so that I can remain always alert and sharp so that I can hear Christ better and so that I can keep this temple of the Holy Spirit as clean and ready as possible to host the Lord.