I have a way of thinking that everything happens for a reason, maybe its my inner Locke and Eloise.
Today I had a 5-hour meeting with representatives from all the NDUS campuses. I knew one of the student reps as we had been RAs together so long ago. Pretty soon, all I could think about was how much I love Fargo and how much I miss it, and how I would take almost any job I could find in Fargo if it meant I could live there forever.
I also spent a large majority of my day contemplating Purgatory. Somebody had challenged its existence and so I kept thinking about my imperfections and how I was grateful that Purgatory does exist so that Christ can continue to apply his once-for-all purifying death to me so that I will be transformed into his likeness rather than simply hiding behind his holiness. I thought about all those poor souls who are there, and how denying the reality of their suffering is a terrible terrible thing for us to do. And so I decided to go earn an indulgence for them (oh goodie!) by praying at a cemetery across town.
I realized that while I am thankful for Purgatory, I do not desire it. I desire only heaven. However, I do desire Purgatory insofar as it will get me to heaven. I would rather be made holy now, than be made holy through much time spent in Purgatory. And so while I prayed for the release of souls, I prayed that I might be spared the suffering of Purgatory.
And thus, God began to work. First thing he did: he made my car stall, about 6 miles or so from home. I had to call AAA and wait for a tow. It required a lot of patience. Anyone who makes a list of my faults knows that patience is near the top of that list. Unfortunately I was planning on going to Fargo this weekend, but that is not likely to happen anymore, and so all of the intense yearning for Fargo that was drummed up today will not come to fruition. Instead I will be stuck here in Bismarck. To top that off, there was something very important I was going to do in Fargo this weekend that I’ve been praying about, but will now have to wait until next weeked.
The point is that God wants to make us holy now and if we pray for it and we cooperate with the graces he provides he will make it happen. I was patient. I didn’t swear or cuss or let my eyes grow dark. I didn’t punch things or have a tantrum. I waited patiently. My reward was a tow truck driver who not only dropped my car off at the shop, but kindly drove me back to campus. And now I stay in Bismarck, but rather than be disappointed, I will do my best to be happy where I am, not where I wish I were.