I continue to find myself in and out of the Confessional for various habitual sins. To be quite honest, it sucks. Not because I hate Confession, rather, I love Confession, and it is one of my favorite things about being a Catholic, but it sucks because I’m not being obedient and I know that it is hindering me in many ways. I know that Christ desires my obedience and it pains him when I’m disobedient, when I continue to turn back to sin, which destroys. It pains me to realize that I’m disappointing God. And I am disappointing God. He still loves me, but he is offended by the sins I commit, when I turn to them instead of him.
And in this disobedience to God, I look at myself. I look at myself and that is not how I’m going to figure out where I’m going. If I’m only thinking of myself I cannot figure out if I’m supposed to stay in FOCUS. If I’m only thinking of myself I cannot figure out if I’m supposed to be a priest. If I’m only thinking of myself I cannot figure out if I’m called to be a monk or a brother. If I’m only thinking of myself I cannot know if I’m called to give myself in marriage.
And so I desperately need an increase in the virtue of obedience and I realize that this virtue is not going to come from myself, but only through the grace of God. And so I must remain faithful in asking him for the grace to obey him, to obey his will.
Jesus, Almighty King of kings, You Who obeyed Your Father to the end, Teach me the meaning of obedience. My soul burns to comply to Your Will, Striving to charm Your Divinity. While my worldly nature seeks one way, My spiritual nature seeks another. Bless me with the strength to obey, That my soul may subdue both natures, Blending them as a fair aromatic bloom. I always seek favour in Your eyes, To always obey You until my last breath!
Holy Mary, You are a perfect model of obedience for us. Through your prayers, may God mold my heart like to yours, that I may quietly and patiently submit my will to God’s. Faithful Virgin, hear my prayers. Amen.