The last week of summer project we wrote letters to ourselves that Jason sent to us. This letter walked us through the year before project, the time on project, and what we wanted things to look like post-project.
Reading that letter reminds me that eighteen months ago I was a complete mess. Even though I was excited to be an RA, my spiritual life was virtually non-existent. But I was hungering for more. But I have really learned over this time that God wants what is best for me. For a long time I thought that that meant that he wanted me to have whatever it was that I wanted, that I knew what was best for me. I know now that that is not the case. I remember talking to Tom and Blake on the beach and Tom saying that he did not want to give up his life to Christ, even if Christ knew best, he wanted to run his own life. I am beginning to see pieces of the people I talked to this summer in myself. I see that desire for control in my life. I see Julia’s extreme desire to know God in myself. I see, even at times, the Chinese freethinker’s attitude of wanting nothing to do with God. Brian’s desire to drop everything to search for something beautiful. I met myself many times this summer. I shared the gospel so many times with people, but I think that I have forgotten to share it with myself a lot, or as much as needed. The gospel applies to me as much as it applies to the next guy.
The important lessons that I learned were about following God’s lead and trusting Him to provide for my needs and to open up opportunities for me. I learned how Holy God is and how pathetic I am in comparison to Him. My life should reflect that fact. My life needs to reflect the holiness of God.