Sexual Purity


Tonight we had men’s time back at the project. The topic was sexual purity. I’ve had many talks about sexual purity before, but this one was different. I felt more convicted. I have been a slave to immorality and a depraved mind for the longest time, but for some reason it just hit me today and I felt so bad. We had to define what sexual immorality was and we arrived at the conclusion that it is any sexual activity that occurs outside of a committed marital relationship between a man and woman. We also had to define sexual activity and came to the conclusion that even kissing is sexual. Why? Imagine that you are married and I kiss your wife. Would you be pretty upset about it? Yeah, thought so. Anyway, sexual immorality includes a wide variety of things.

We went over scripture from 1 Thessalonians 4 that discussed the issue and it was a big help. The thing that hit the hardest, though, was near the end when all the girls, unexpected to us, came into the room and stood at the front. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t look any of them in the face. Then there was a girl at the end of each row, which I was on the end of mine, and she handed the guy a rose. The guy was to take a petal or two or three from the rose and passed it down the row. It just hit me hard about how my sexually immoral actions affect both her and me. I fully realized that my immorality goes far beyond pornography and lust, but goes deep into flirtation, leading girls on, putting myself into tempting situations by watching movies or tv late at night alone with a girl on my bed/sofa, or going for a midnight walk on campus to the babbling brook.

On Thursday morning, the guys are leaving for an overnight trip to Tijuana. We are going to be asked to make a commitment to sexual purity until marriage and to faithfulness in marriage. I am eager to make that promise. I know that it is going to be hard to honor it sometimes, but it worth it. When I finally get married, I want to be a whole rose for my wife, not one that has been trampled on and had its petals torn off. I have to remember that that God has promised me something greater than any instantly gratifying sinful lust could bring for me.


19 thoughts on “Sexual Purity

  1. C’mon, man! Just look at this concept holistically, and consider the implications — for just a moment!

    Why would you think that your God decided to give you FREE WILL and then TEMPT you? Isn’t it reasonable to assume that the sexual attraction is a perfectly NORMAL commonly-occurring instinct?

    The rose thing is just propaganda. Look around you! If you like someone, and they like you back, and you are both single, and you are both adults about it, then what is so wrong about holding hands, or kissing, or even sex? It’s a way to express your feelings without using words, and is perfectly natural! If you like that person so much, then you can (in time) even get married and raise a family!

    Consider the opposite scenario — you meet someone, decide that you are going to wait to have sex before marriage, get married, and then realize that you are really just very good friends that have no physical chemistry together. You’ve now ruined your life and your partner’s life, and neither one of you is happy — but now you’ve committed yourself before God to being together forever. You just wind up resenting each other, and making each other’s life miserable.

    Sexual relationships are a NATURAL thing. You don’t have to be afraid of it just because your particular church says so. Think for yourself!

    To reiterate, I’m not encouraging you to sleep around and be with dozens of people, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with experiencing life the way God intended it. Don’t let your church impose their twisted “truths” about purity and sexual repression — it’s not normal OR natural. Use your head and see the answers for yourself!!!

  2. First of all, God isn’t the temptor. He allows us to be tempted, but provides a way out for us. Second of all, I never said there was anything wrong with kissing, I just made the point that it is a sexual activity. In fact, I never even said that there was anything wrong with sex!

    I think your statement about waiting to have sex and then getting married to find out that you have no physical chemistry is a life ruining situation is completely laughable. If the success of your life is measure by your physical chemistry with another person, then there is a problem with your priorities. Maybe in the beginning of one’s marriage, the physical chemistry will be awkward, but with practice it will fall into place.

    Yes, sex is a natural thing. But it has a particular context in which it is acceptable and others in which it is not. And this is not coming from my particular church. This is coming from the word of God. Read in Genesis 2 where it says that a man will be joined with his wife. It doesn’t say that he will be joined with a good friend or the neighbor girl. I feel that it is clear that the Bible says that sex is wonderful in the context of marriage and only in the context of marriage. That is how God intended it. I could go on and on pointing out scripture references that support that view, but I think that you already know what the Bible says, but choose to ignore it.

    My church is not creating twisted truths on sex. What is twisted is underplaying the importance of and emotional consequences (positive and negative) of sex. Sexual purity is not about sexual repression, it is about surrendering to the will of God and taking and giving your entire self to your future spouse so that on your wedding night, with the woman you are committing the rest of your life to, you can give her your virginity which you have saved for her.

    Use your head Alex, don’t let the world lead you astray!

  3. The word of God disagrees with you. Are we even reading the same Genesis, or did you find another version somewhere where everyone has monogamous relationships?

    Right there, in Genesis (amongst hundreds of other passages elsewhere), it states:

    16:2 — Now Sarai Abram’s wife bare him no children: and she had an handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.


    4:19 — And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah.

    Also, concubines (modern day sex slaves) are everywhere in the bible.

    And that’s just Genesis. So if you have such a desire to live by the word of God, make sure you “save your virginity” for your second wife, and the mistress, too.

    The entire concept of “sexual purity” is something that your church has created for you. Try to keep it all in perspective!

  4. Nowhere, though, does God say that what Abraham did was right. In fact, if you look at it in its proper perspective, what happened was that Abraham did not trust God’s promise and so he tried a different way to have a son and it caused him great trouble. It created division in his family and the stress caused him to disown Ishmael. I can’t see how you can look at that story and try using to say that God condones polygamy or any other type of sexual immorality.

    Read any of the prophets and you will see God’s disgust regarding sexual immorality.

    Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-7:11 and tell me that the Bible doesn’t say anything about sexual purity.

    I don’t really understand where you are coming from or why you are so adamant that sexual purity isn’t Biblical and that sexual immorality is a natural and good thing.

  5. King Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines. He was God’s favorite!

    Where did you see that I was arguing for sexual immorality? I am just saying that what your church refers to as “sexual immorality” is actually rampant throughout the bible, so following the “word of God” isn’t necessarily a good thing!

  6. I would argue that David was actually God’s favorite, but that’s not the point. Look at what happened to Solomon. At the end of his life he writes the book of Ecclesiastes and realizes that though he was full of wisdom, his love for foreign wives and concubines had led him astray. He sat down and the end and realized that the things he had gone after were meaningless.

    As far as sexual immorality running rampant in the Bible, it is true. However, it is condemned. It is used as an example to show what happens. You must use it in context.

    I’m sorry of accusing you for being pro-sexual immorality.

    Let me pose this question to you?

    Since you do not agree with my convictions on sexuality, what are your convictions? What are the bounds of sexual morality? What is acceptable before marriage and what is acceptable during marriage? Where are the lines and what are the rules in your eyes?

  7. I’ll gladly answer your question:

    “Since you do not agree with my convictions on sexuality, what are your convictions? What are the bounds of sexual morality? What is acceptable before marriage and what is acceptable during marriage? Where are the lines and what are the rules in your eyes?”

    My convictions are as follows: The same things that are acceptable to you after marriage are acceptable before marriage. You are in a committed monogamous relationship after marriage, and so that’s perfectly fine with me before marriage as well. Why shouldn’t it be if two people are perfectly happy that way? There’s mutual respect, love, commitment, etc.

    So, as the ancient Greek philosophers said: “Do not to your neighbor what you would take ill from him.”

  8. hey, thanks so much for your comment and prayers. busyness is totally understandable, so no worries! peace. ps, way to think things through with what alex said and present your beliefs and morals with a strong conviction. i agree with everything you said and making the commitment to stay pure is a beautiful thing. peace.

  9. Sorry Alex, but that is not what God says in the Bible. Sex is reserved for a man and woman who are married. The Bible says that the marriage commitment is for life.

    So you must also define your level of commitment. If your relationship is not committed for life, it is not a committed relationship. Alex, I don’t know where any of the basis for your sexual convictions is coming from. The only place I can think of is in your own mind because you want to do whatever you want to.

  10. I was walking down the street to get some lunch and I realized that maybe I left it open to the idea that sex before marriage when you are committed for life is morally acceptable. But it clearly is not. I want to focus on the story of Jacob and Rachel. Jacob was so in love with Rachel that he committed himself to seven years of work so that Laban would give Rachel to him as his wife. I would definitely say that Jacob was committed to Rachel for life. Yet, you see in Genesis 19:21 that Jacob had not had sex with Rachel at all during that time, even though the commitment was there. I know that the story ends in that Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah and thus Jacob married two women and later on each wife gave Jacob a maidservant in order to win a battle of providing more children than the other for Jacob. Of course all that polygamy created so much tension in the family that Joseph ended up being sold as a slave. (Though the ending goes to show that God can work good things through our mistakes). The point is that by this story we can see that premarital sex is not ok, even in a committed relationship.

  11. I am very certain that I’m in a committed relationship. I think, once you get older, and decide to have a relationship with someone other than Jesus, you will understand what “commitment” is really all about.

    Also, your Bible specifies that divorce is totally fine (for a multitude of reasons), so I’m not sure how you can claim that a marriage is for life. Also, “sexual purity” is an impossibility for a divorce, don’t you think? You can’t have it both ways.

    All kidding aside though, the real problem with pushing “sexual purity” on young adults like yourself is that once you lose that purity (not a petal of a rose, but the entire rose) all at once, the guilt actually pushes people like yourself into the opposite extreme. That extreme is pretty scary.

  12. I have to add something to this since I am the person in the committed monogamous relationship with Alex. (love you honey!) We are committed yet have no intention of ever getting married anytime in the future- although we are firmly, happily, wonderfully committed to each other and our relationship. Also, on a personal note, I’ve been married before to someone with whom I had no sexual chemistry- but we got along fine before we lived together. Once we lived together – and sex was a chore- the relationship went downhill very quickly. Let me tell you waiting to have sex until you are married is the dumbest most naive thing you could possibly do. Being married to someone with whom you have no sexual chemistry is a complete and total disaster that ends in divorce and heartache. The only good thing the sex with my ex husband ever brought me was my wonderful son- who Alex loves too. Alex and I are as committed to each other as possible and no legal piece of paper or proclamation from any pastor would change that. People who tell you they regret sex before marriage are lying or haven’t experienced it for themselves. You’re young. Don’t make such a stupid mistake because you’re going to end up married and miserable. Sex is an important and healthy part of a relationship and I, for one, am really glad I decided to live with Alex. Living together is the only way to really figure out if you’re really truly compatible. Your virginity pledge is a huge mistake that you and your future wife will pay dearly for. Oh- and I don’t agree that your Bible says that sex outside of marriage is wrong- it says that cheating on your spouse or having sex with someone else’s spouse is wrong. Clearly, that’s something we can all agree on. It says nothing about unmarried sex outside of marriage.

  13. I can’t tell if you are belittling me for my relationship with Jesus, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you’re not because you’re a good guy. I know what commitment is about and I know that I am not ready to commit at this present moment. And if I am not ready commit the living of the rest of my life with someone, then I certainly am not ready to give them my virginity. You see, sex isn’t like lying or stealing. Sex is the uniting of two fleshes. You can hardly say that it is simply physical, because it is very emotional as well. You are letting someone see you at your most vulnerable state, seeing parts of you that nobody but God and yourself have seen. And you let them have it and then it doesn’t work out and when you go to the next person it just isn’t as special because someone else has already had it all.

    I guess that for me some of this is just speculation because I still am a virgin. But like I said sexual immorality covers much more than actual sexual intercourse. I’m not going to lie, I’ve looked at pornography a lot in my past. And honestly it has cheapened sex. At my fingertips are girls who are willing to bare it all for me and there is zero level of commitment on either end. But for those girls, they have bared it all for thousands and millions of guys. Many guys have seen them vulnerable, indulged in lust after them and were then able to just close their laptop and walkaway, getting enjoyment and then just leaving them for the next guy. I am seriously ashamed that I have participated in that behavior.

    As far as divorce goes, the Bible does not list multitudes of reasons where divorce is ok. A few reasons include infidelity and realizing when you get married that you have been duped into believing the one you married was a virgin, but oops, they are not. And Paul also talks about the idea that if you come to know Christ, but your spouse doesn’t you can divorce them but shouldn’t if they will still live with you despite your life change. Christ makes it clear though that divorce is not acceptable, but that if one does get divorced, they are stay divorced or become reconciled with their spouse, lest they be called an adulteror. Dude, it is clear that marriage is a lifelong commitment. And whether the Bible had said that or not, when you say I do to:
    for better or for worse, through sickness and through health, until death do us part

    you are making a lifelong promise (til death do us part).

    Question: What’s preventing you from making that step from very certain to absolutely certain that you are in a committed relationship? What’s preventing marriage?

    I don’t know what the problem with teaching sexual purity is, mostly because I don’t understand what you mean by having your guilt push you to a scary extreme. I am guilty of not being sexual pure, but I haven’t gone to a scary extreme, but had my eyes opened to what God says, and to opened my heart to try to live by it. I repent and I make the promise to remain pure until marriage, because like the Bible says, that is where sex is acceptable.

    I’m sorry, but I don’t see where you are coming from.

  14. oh- and it’s not that Alex and I are against marriage- we just feel it is unnecessary. If at some point there is a practical reason to do it we would. Otherwise, why do it? So you can have sex?

  15. Ok guys, I’m sorry, but I don’t know what Bible you guys are reading, but the Bible says that sex outside of marriage is wrong. That includes extramarital sex AND premarital sex.

    Saying that waiting until marriage to have sex and that making virginity pledges are the stupidest things that you could do, has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Yeah, sex is important, that is why God has created rules and boundaries for it, but it is not the most important thing in the world and if your marriage falls apart because you don’t have sexual chemistry you are extremely shallow.

    What happens when I have sex with a girl five or six times and realize its not going to work? “Sorry baby, but you are an amazing person, the best person in the world for me, but you just aren’t any good in the sack, so….bye.”
    And then I go onto the next woman and the same thing happens. I find myself giving my deepest parts to person after person and I marry the first person who the sex is good with, no matter if they are the best person for me. That is the dumbest thing I have heard.

    I’m sorry, but being obedient in Christ and having sex only with my wife, and I do not have a wife, so no sex for me, is more important to me than anything. Christ said that if I am to follow him, I must deny myself, so even if I am presented with the opportunity with a smoking hot girl or if I want to know if I have sexual chemistry with a girl before I get married, I must deny it and take up my Christ and follow Christ. For what good is it to gain the world and lose my soul?

    Sorry, but a virginity pledge is the BEST thing anyone could do.

  16. I’m not going to be offended that you called me shallow- since you’re so very young and so very inexperienced in life and relationships. It’s not about being “good in the sack” it’s about physical chemistry- which, if lacking, will eat away at your marriage until you start fighting all the time and can’t stand another second together and the stress starts to hurt your child and one day your husband comes home and says it’s over and you’re relieved and move on to a better life where you can be a better parent and have a successful relationship with someone else….
    I am older and wiser and know that- well, you’re just wrong and what you’ve been taught about “sexual purity” and it’s benefits to your future marriage is a lie. And your virginity pledge will be a mistake – but like all young inexperienced folks out there, those are the kinds of mistakes you just have to make yourself I guess. Me- I’m blissfully happy livin’ in sin 🙂

  17. I guess we just have different priorities, living for ourselves or living for God. But I know that saving myself for my future wife is the best thing and I want my future wife to save herself for me. I do understand that maybe she hasn’t saved herself for me, but hey everyone makes mistakes.

    Make whatever choices you want, base your relationship on physical chemistry, but don’t say that I am wrong because of my age. Age has nothing to do with it. I am doing what I believe to be morally right. It’s not that I wouldn’t love to have sex right now, right this instant, but it’s that God has made it clear that that is not what sex is meant for and I believe that there is something better for me. I am trying to be spiritually mature. I am not doing this because my church says I should. I am making this choice because the Bible says to. I ALWAYS look back to what God says, not men.

    Sex is way to important to let someone have my virginity who I will not end up spending my life, who I may not see again.

  18. First of all I would like to say “Amen”! Now that I got that out I just would like to say a few things. I do not know the beliefs that Alex and Jennifer claim to have, whether it may be Christian, Atheist, etc., but I feel as though no consensus will be reached on this topic if certain things are not accepted as truths among everyone involved; that there is a God, the Bible is His word, and that not doing as God has directed for our lives is sin.

    If these truths are not first accepted then quoting scripture to them will not do any good because they will not care what God says. If, however, these truths can be agreed upon then Alex and Jennifer are either picking apart God’s word and only obeying the parts that are convenient for them, or they were never Christians to begin with and are only masquerading as such.

    Now with that prologue out of the way……
    1) Having sex outside of marriage has led to the current STD problem that this country and world currently faces.
    2) Yes, most of the time older does mean wiser, but that is not always the case (i personally believe this is one of those exceptions to the rule).
    3) Friendly advice to Alex and Jennifer- regardless of the circumstances of you all living together, if you truly love each other and want to be with each other forever go ahead and get married; the benefits of becoming mr. and mrs. legally far outway the negatives.
    4) Just because something is mentioned in the Bible does not mean it is to be followed by others. Some stories are meant for us to learn from others’ mistakes.
    5) Jennifer, you say that you will be happy living in sin. Keep in mind that nothing this world has to offer can truly make you happy. Consider the rich and famous, they “have it all”. Look how many of them are unhappy. Everything in this world will only bring you temporary happiness, including sex. The rich lose their wealth, the famous become not famous, young pretty/handsome people get old and the sex is not as good, and I know that you said your son brings you happiness (and i don’t wish this upon him) but he could one day die and so could Alex. My point is don’t seek satisfaction from things in this world. Yes, enjoy this world, but put your hope in Jesus Christ. In hopes that this will cause you to think, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also….No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money (replace “Money” with anything including sex). MATTHEW 6:19-21,24.

    Keep up the good work.

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