So Bored

We have a holiday tomorrow and monday and I am going home for Easter, which is the first time since I came back from semester break on Jan. 5. I don’t get to leave until tomorrow, though, since I am on duty in Reed-Johnson tonight and have to sit office and do rounds and stuff. The good news is that since Jon has already gone home, I can get him back for his fish prank he pulled on me. I plan on filling his room with phonebook pages (I’ll put pics up later).

Anyways, though, I am excited to go home, which is weird because I usually don’t like going home. I think that it will be good for me to get away from school. Along with school is a lot of stress. Lately I have been stressing out over summer project funding or lack thereof. I think it will be nice to get away to a place where I can’t check my mail for a few days. It will also be nice to see how my family is doing, to see if things are really different, or if they are just the same old crappy way they always have been. I’m going to be honest here, life at home isn’t the greatest. I don’t talk about it a lot to my friends, because their families seem so much better than mine and it makes me feel bad. I don’t realize it, but is one of my biggest hindrances in my walk with God. I have this ashamed feeling because my parents are struggling financially and my sister and brother are slightly abnormal (moreso my brother). Then you throw on my mom’s illness on top of that, its not exactly bubblegum and bon-bons everyday. I hate being ashamed, but I am and I do not know how to get rid of those feelings. I think a part of it is that I feel like this is just a dream. That school and Fargo and San Diego are just temporary escapes, and that I, too, must return to it and fall slave to it for the rest of my life.

And then I found out that the girl I like’s brother has a tumor and that makes me sad for her. So life is kind of frustrating. Its spring and everybody should be coming out from hibernation and be happy, but I am struggling and my only hope is God’s faithful promises.