I don’t know why I find it so hard to trust God. He ALWAYS proves faithful to me. Yet, somehow I find it hard to trust Him. I mean, this week, He saw my need, the need to get used to talking to people about Him. He saw it and did something about, something big. But as I look at my monetary goals for Summer Project, I see just how far I still have to go. It is really far. I mean really far. I know that God will provide and I know I need to learn to be patient, but honestly, I am having a hard time. When I checked the mail today and saw that there was nothing there, I nearly had a temper tantrum right there. I keep forgetting about the money that God has already provided. If He could do that, surely He can provide it all. Maybe this is jealousy too, looking at how fast Jon and Kristi have been raising their money. In a few short weeks, Kristi has raised almost all of her money, she certainly has raised more than I would need for my summer project.
I just can’t help but feel like God is forgetting about me. I need to stop worrying. I guess, though, it has to happen. This feeling of unrest is good in this situation. I am anxious for the Lord to move on a project that is for the Lord. He is stretching my faith, forcing me into a position of either choosing to trust Him or not trust Him. The financial situation of both me and my immediate family forces me deep into the unknown and uncertainty when it comes to a trip of this magnitude and this cost.
Lord, I pray that you will move in my heart and spirit. I ask you to pull out every muscle and ounce of trust I have and make them work. Wear them down, make them grow stronger. Let me see you work in my life and provide for your glory through me. Lord, no matter how hard, I will trust you. Amen.
Readers, please pray for me as well.